Byond Account: Aries_Mars
Character Name(s): Paxton Parkinson
Discord Name: Pax
Round ID: 16934
Date: September 3’rd 2021
Griefer IC name: Tyrone Sprung the Cargo Technician and Austen Hoff the Janitor
Griefer Byond account (if known): N/A
What happened: I was a bartender with cargo access from the Head of Personnel, I went to cargo to order myself some carpet. I went into the warehouse to grab some cardboard, Tyrone asked something like “bro wtf are you doing” I said “Just trying to figure out how to break down this box.” and he said “Get the fuck out” and pushed me over, and the janitor rolls in. I said I had permission from the boss, and then they shove me under the shutters and stand between me and slam me to near-crit. Anyway, I shot one in the leg with a beanbag slug to try to get out, left, notified sec, one came by, they both started beating him up together, and went after me saying “Kill him”. Stole my shotgun, sold that. Kept trying to murder even after being released from the brig and I went back for carpet. Another sec testified about it, they got perma’d. Afterword in the evac shuttle they kept spamming random internet shit and Tyrone kept mentioning his “big black salami.” Furthermore, they weren’t antagonists at round-end. Anyway, during the whole time, they kept cooperating but not saying a word IC, I suggest looking into metacomming as well. Another player can testify more about what happened related to the incident.
I was one of the security officers during this shift.
Paxton came up to me at some point while I was on patrol and claimed he had been assaulted twice by Tyrone Sprung the cargo tech and his friend Austan and nearly died both times. My colleague and I arrested Tyrone and we were on our way to the brig when Austan Hoff the Janitor went up to me and started shoving me around to free his friend Tyrone.
After Austan threw a bear trap at me my colleague apprehended him and we put them both in the processing cell. (Note that the Janitor had no way of knowing we had apprehended Tyrone; I don’t recall hearing anyone mentioning the arrest on the common radio nor was Tyrone screaming shitsec all over the comms.)
At this point it was pretty clear to me that they were metacomming. They both had been using internet lingo and Austan somehow instantly knew Tyrone had gotten arrested.
Attempted murder, theft, assault on an officer, obstruction of justice, the list of charges went on and on. The Warden and I ended up throwing them in perma where they revolted and beat the warden and another officer to a pulp. We apprehended them again, threw them in perma again until a meteor struck perma and we had to put them into the processing cell again.
They spent around 10 minutes in the cell screaming internet insults and lingo until we decided to gulag them both. (Un)fortunately, a meteor had breached the shuttle and they both died to the pressure of space. I reluctantly brought them to medbay and waited for them to be revived with the warden.
At this point the shuttle had been called so I brought Tyrone to the brig cell in the evac area, where he started berating me again and talked about his “black salami” or something along those lines.
When the shuttle landed Tyrone and Austan were both put in custody where they kept screaming internet lingo and calling us insults that looked like they could’ve been pulled from a HippieStation ban appeal ( “LOL” “KEK” “1984” “VIRGIN” “LMAO” “YOU FUCKING GARLOID”, etc, you know the type).
Anyhow, the shuttle was getting messier and messier so I decided to headslam Austan into the nearest table to make him shut up which resulted in severe brain trauma. The warden moved Austan elsewhere while I stayed with Tyrone to make sure he wasn’t going to escape.
The round ended, and turns out neither of them were antags.
TLDR: two metacomming shitters spent the entire round screaming 4chan-tier shit at people while self-antagging.