Official lore for YO MAMA JOKES (Also in the Library)

“Are you sure you wish to do this? This is quite a challenging task”, the strange voice called out.
“I am certain, this is for the best of humanity as a whole, someone has to do it!”, they respond.
A quest, of a single person, far off in the distant lands, they had to travel mountains, lavalands, fauna-infested icemoons, xenomorphic-dominant planets and entire space stations, all to complete the series. Every obstacle in their way was a new challenge that had to be defeated. It was a challenge for sure, but one that they overcame.

Chapter 1

On the top of Mountain Everest, on Planet Earth, Matthew Macaroni climbed high, he didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop. At the very top of the mountain, he stared at the sky. He waited for someone to speak to him. He took the remaining wood he had stored in his bag, and built a coffin out of it. He slept in that coffin, and fell into a coma for what felt like 400 years. When he woke up, he saw several encrypted messages sitting next to his body. Matthew examined them closely, and then he began to hear whispering in his ears. He wrote down the whispers, as he thought of the centuries he had missed, his hand unable to keep up. Everything that he wrote down that day was combined into what we now know as YO MAMA JOKES 1.

Chapter 2

In the deepest parts of Lavaland, he searched far and wide. After getting tons of BZ in his lungs, meeting a bolt of death loving colossus, an ash drake more than happy to share his fiery breath, and a bubblegum who really seems to like Football. By the end of his first day on the planet, he was already fading in and out of consciousness, who knew that such a place like this would be so terrible for living! He ended up at the very northern part of the planet, with a gate ahead of him. He crawled to the door, and out of pure desperation, knocked. The door swung open, and inside stored a giant Legion skull. Matthews life flashed before his eyes, before the Legion turned around and offered them a cup of tea. The Legion explained that he was getting ready to go to bed, but loves seeing friendly visitors. Matthew looked to the right, and saw a pile of notes and papers similar to the top of the mountain. While the Legion wasn’t looking, Matthew snatched it and ran. The Legion immediately noticed, and attempted to give chase, but Matthew was too far ahead. This angered the Legion, who screeched wildly, their voice reaching the other end of lavaland. The stolen papers were instructions to a lost treasure on Lavaland. Matthew then found a nearby Miner, who took the notes and and turned the pages over, revealing 12 yo mama jokes, which later became what we now know as YO MAMA JOKES 2.

Chapter 3:

Next stop, IceMoon. This was calmer than where he had previously visited, but the price for transportation wasn’t cheap. Their food also shared the role of keeping them warm. They wandered about, asking nearby Miners about his quest, only getting glares and spits in the face as a response. After 2 days of living on the deserted wasteland, he slipped and fell in a chasm. He landed on the roof of a little hut, with a dead miner inside. In their hand, was a torn sheet of paper. It was what Matthew was looking for! But half the page was gone. He turned around and noticed an ice whelp. The other side of the paper sitting underneath it. Matthew quickly stuffed the book into their pocket, picked up the corpse of the dead miner, and threw it across the room, the ice whelp chasing after it. Matthew ran, grabbed the other side of the paper, and didn’t stop running until they hit the mining base. The paper was a Guide to Fitness and Dieting. Matthew interpreted this, writing down everything they thought was out of place. These texts are what we now know as YO MAMA JOKES 3.

Chapter 4

Luckily for Matthew, the next pit stop was not far. The station floating above the Icebox outpost was infested by Xenomorphs, either purely coincidental, or done by someone looking out for him. He took the nearest shuttle and, with a group of others, went there as soon as he could. On it, xeno after xeno attempted to disarm him and the group, and after every disarm he responded by pulling out some useless thing from his bag to get disarmed instead. He ran as fast as he could, before he and his group welded themselves into the bathrooms. The airlock already full of acid spit, Matthew noticed a dead Security Officer behind them, wearing full body riot gear and a shield. Matthew quickly grabbed the body and exited through the back door, and put the suit on himself. He made his way around the xenos, who were enjoying their feast on the group of people they had caught after successfully breaking into the bathroom. Matthew, now prepared to fend xenos off, made their way to the Captain office. Rather than his Antique laser gun being in his case, it was a blue intellicard, flashing that there was an AI inside. Matthew quickly broke the cage open, and took the intellicard. He noticed that they had 24 laws! He jotted them all down into his notebook for future reference. He took what the card, notes, and everything else that he could, before running back to his shuttle and driving into Hyperspace before the Xenomorphs can deconstruct it. Almost out of plasma fuel and with a need to rest, he took a stop at a plasma station, where he opened the AI back up. Matthew looked over his notes from earlier, and noticed a common trend. He scratched out the messy and jumbled up laws, while decoding the anomalous ones. What he wrote down later became what we now know as YO MAMA JOKES 4.

Chapter 5

“Hello, I am the experimental pAI, Pi!”, the AI declared from the pocket of Matthew Macaroni.
They are now on Space Station 13. The pAI was repaired by the Research Director of the station they were on, who then offered Matthew a job as a Curator. He frequently visited Research and Development, to both help wherever they could, and try to decode the final piece of the YO MAMA JOKES series together. The Research Director had the paper with it, but he has failed to decode it himself in the 2 decades he had the page. Matthew told the stories of how he got the past chapters and showed them all off to the Research Director, while in return the Research Director showed them common decoding tricks and tools. One night, while Matthew was working their Library front desk, they started to feel cold. That then turned to freezing. Freezing so cold it was burning them alive, so cold they could barely move. They got up, and in front of them was an officer wearing no ID. They asked if the officer felt cold, to which there was no response. Matthew then looked at the desk lamp. They stared at it for a few seconds, before grabbing a pen with their frozen fingers, and started writing as fast as they could. By their fourth line, they fall unconscious. A few hours later, the Research Director walked by to see if they were there, took the notes Matthew had left on their desk, and called for a search of Matthew Macaroni. Matthew was never found, but with the help of what they had written on the page, the Research Director was able to use it and reference it with his own notes, decoding the paper. What he wrote down became what we now know as YO MAMA JOKES 5.

7 Likes

Truly tear-jerking and inspirational. Did he ever write down the “final yo mama joke”?

YO MAMA JOKES 5 is at the Library, but is not published by Matthew Macaroni.