Greetings fellow Union Worker to the giant fruit-basket which is the space station 13. So you’re looking to become a fellow Apple ? Well worry not my freshly ripe Apple, I’m here to give a basic run down of the [BEST DEPARTMENT] in a non-biased matter… hopefully.
Well my Fellow spess man, Service is not only the STRONGEST department but it’s also the GREATEST!!! Unlike the Grapes over in their ivory tower or the Tangerines in their industrial hell, service is very beginner friendly! Bellow will be my talking points for any freshly ripe Apple!
- What every job in service does and their function (Basic rundown/guide)
- Why you should care about service and how to treat a fellow Apple (Respect!!)
- Why service is the best!! and like totally cooler…
Head of Personnel - THE BIG APPLE
Johnny Two-Thumbs says…“No, I won’t give the clown AA.”
Just like any other department, Service has a head managing it as well. In the large view of the stations functions HoP is the most important while being the least as well… HoP being the leader of the BEST DEPARTMENT never actually manages said department usually focusing on sitting in their little shoe-box handing out access and replace people’s stolen ID’s! But its not all sunshine and rainbows, remember your’re still a department head and large target to corporate enemy’s and space monsters! A good HoP would check the kitchen and bar from time to time, and make sure the janitors are cleaning and botany growing!
While I wont go too in-depth about HoP here there’s lots of good guide’s on the forms here (In-Depth Guide to HoP This is my personal favorite and a very good read for any aspiring Heads of personnel)
Janitor/Custodian - FUJI APPLES
Gish Garfield says… “Ss rueh usuh shzuul lusr sk huro sz uk oru he elolso?”
The stations most difficult worker’s and prime leaders of any union force. Janitors one job is simple, Keep the station spotless and clean! Being an amazing beginner job as anybody can pick the mop quickly. While finding the custodian’s closet could be difficult (Usual somewhere in service) inside that little room is a wonder of cleaning. From mops, buckets, to bio-hazard suits and cleaning grenades or a spray bottle of some BLAM-O SPACE CLEANER™️. Either way put that belt on, pick up a mop… grab a bucket of water and start CLEANING!
- Galoshes to prevent slips on wet floors, essential for any janitor!
- The Pimpin’ ride, Poor Jani-borg sacrificed itself for this swag ride. Only one exists to claim it first!
- Janitor cart can be used to take all the essential tools AND water in one! (Just dont let the clown get it…)
- The advanced mop, pester science to finally research advanced janitorial to get this this bad boy, CONDENSATION TECHNOLOGY!!
- Trash bag to hold trash, from wrappers to organs and limbs… useful for cleaning out any trash on the floor quickly!
Janitors are simple yet dangerous workers, any skilled custodian knows the tricks of the trade can be a dangerous foe… so treat them with respect unless you want to be another cleaned stain on the floor!
Bartender - GALA APPLES
Moe Smith says… “hhghhh hmhghfgghhhh wuuhhh?? h sgghhhg”
Bottoms up!! Ah the bar… A place of enjoyment, liver failure, and gambling. The bartender is a unique job similar to being a Grapefruit but easier and more enjoyable for all ages…(I do not condone underage drinking!!). Within the Maltese Falcon Bar there is usually two tenders, double trouble for anybody trying to throw glasses around… Inside the bar is a Booze-o-mat along with a Soda & Booze dispenser which is your bread and butter the factory to fast liver failure. Using the machines is as easy as putting in a glass, and pushing the labeled buttons to dispense the desired amount of one liquid. The more capacity in your glass the more liquid of course, for example the classic drink shaker or any large beaker both can hold up to 100u of any reagent! (Dont forget a glass can hold up to 50u and water softens a drink!!)
- The bartenders shotgun, fire rubber bullets or real ones! Only one tender can get it, so to be sure to protect it from any bad apples!
- While not that practical as the drink dispensers, it can liven the mood of any bar by just having the keg around!
- Pun Pun is the bartenders loyal
goonwaiter, Protect him from the chef at all costs unless you want some familiar burgers appearing on the table…
- The booze O’ mat can be used to buy special kinds of drinks certain kinds that cannot be dispensed at a station!
- If you’re feeling lucky, ask Grapefruit’s to borrow or use their Chem Dispenser! Can be used for lots of special drinks like a doctors delight for the hard workers at The Berry-bush
Running the bar isn’t easy… especially when the bar is swarmed. Always remember to keep your glasses on the table and shotgun close! Make people pay small fines for drinks (could cause a riot who knows) and remember to keep calm and keep drinking!
Cook/Chef - GOLDEN DELICIOUS APPLES
Sweeney Todd says… “Ciao amico! Want to try my fresh meat pie?”
Buongiorno my friend… Welcome to the kitchen! this is where food is cooked and monkeys are slaughtered. But before we begin this gravy train, don’t forget that other have access to the kitchen as well!! The Apple Tree is going to be your main source of ingredients and the Gala Apples for specific liquids!
- Any chef knows a Butchers Cleaver is the proper way to deal with meats… Just don’t kill anybody!
- THE RANGE!!! You can use it to makes delicious soups with the stove, or sweet cakes in the oven! just make sure to not burn it!!
- The Biogen is any cooks best friend, this is where most of the kitchens produce will come from… like Flour, Sugar, and rice!
The chef just like the rest of service is a vital job, It could be stressful at times… luckly every kitchen has two Cooks! help each other out and use CQC (Close quarters cooking) to berid anybody instead the kitchen! EXCEPT botanist and bartenders plus the occasional janitor, they’re fellow Apples too!
Botanist - THE APPLE TREE
Grows-The-Banana says… “Whatsss wrong? It’sss just Water and Potassssium!”
Welcome to the green kingdom of Hydroponics! This is where a few plant lovers reside and grow odd fruits and veggies… along with the casual toilet bong to spice the shift. Botany is a tough job if clueless… thats why taking a long glance Guide to hydroponics to know what plants you want is essential! The most important job of a botanist is making sure plants are health, hydrated, and clear of weeds! along with that managing mutations, cross pollination, and killer tomato’s Botany is a calm job anybody could enjoy…plus free visits from the chef asking for produce! (Don’t forget to put it in the fridge!)
But you cant just… make plants, there’s an entire department of tools!
- The Floar Somatoray is an amazing tool anybody can use to force mutations, Change yields, or randomize stats! just needs to be researched…
- The hydro tray is where all the magic happens, Switch between autogrow and normal mode! make sure to look out for the notification lights aswell!
- Wooden barrels can be made from wood, inside the barrel you can ferment fresh alcohol from anything! The bartender might want one or two!
Like the rest of service, Botany are some of the hardest workers who try their best to keep the station fed and green! show them the proper respect and you might just get an omega weed!
Clown - JAZZ APPLE
Broken Fibula says… “Why so serious?”
The stations loudest, brightest, funkiest fella in the entire fruit basket. The stations Funny man or the stations Last hope. Pull pranks, Make friends or enemy’s with the Silent one and overall just bring the stations moral up! Don’t let the Strawberrys get you under false charges! don’t listen to anyone because you have places to be, and things to HONK! Dress in costumes, play music, and aquire the H.O.N.K MECH for maximum prankage!
What is a Clown without their equipment…
- H.O.N.K exosuit from the Black berrys for MAXIMUM clown power.
- Create a honk bot to have a HONKIN minion help you prank the station.
- The classic Banana cream pie, throw it at people!
Clowns cannot be controlled, so assume yourself as the stations BEST.
Mime - PAZAZZ APPLE
Lemon Lime says… Point to nuclear authentication disk, Laughs silently!
this is the Mime. the stations scariest crew member and possibly the most dangerous, being able to create mime walls out of nothing but ADVANCED MIMERY! Don’t break the vow of silence and gesture everything! Maybe even get funky with it…
- Advanced Mimery, use it to learn the secrets of a true mime.
- Blank paper, A drink for a mime and only a mime. Will heal ALL Damage types while also muting the mime!
- Laughs Silently!
Mime is a difficult act to pull, so those who make the most of it should get the most love especially if they put up-most effort into their gestures! Spins, Flips, Laughs Silently!
Chaplain - EMPIRE APPLE
Holy Father John says… “BE AFRAID MY CHILD”
The station’s legal
nutcase Holy man, spread the word of spess jesus or whatever other religion. The chaplains main goal is to spread the word of their deity and convert those willing to join. But when the chaplain isn’t spreading the word of Azathoth they are defending the station from the nasty cults and wizards of space! Being immune to their unholy power the chaplain is a powerful yet high target for any Rotten fruit on station, Especially any Figs that decide to visit! Chaplain is what you make it to be, choose a sect from the holy table and follow that sects teachings and achive blessings… or dont!
What kind of holy man would you be with the proper EQUIPMENT?
- The null rod. a strong weapon that can turn into other weapons, protects the user from magic!
- As simple as it may seem, praying notifies the gods with a special sound that it came from the holy! maybe the gods would answer you NOW!
- Inhale BZ gas to get visions from beyond the heavens, Meet the gods them selves!
Assistant - NORTHERN SPY APPLE
Gregory Grey says… “Thats a nice ID you’ve got”
NOTICE!!! Please do not steal dead peoples ID’s or those who were round removed. that is against Fulplaw!!
Assistants, the lowest of the low in the entire station food chain but that doesn’t make you the weakest! just like clowns are complete wildcards free to almost do anything! Complete bounty’s for cargo, dress in funny costumes, get a real job from the HoP.
What should the average assistant have in their arsenal?
- The golden gloves… any grey shirts desired treasure…
- Meson goggles to see in the cold tunnels of Maints…
- ROBUST THY ENEMIES!!!
Just enjoy the game how ever you want, make yourself the person you want to be!
Lawyer - GRANNY SMITH APPLE
Griffith Wrong says… "OBJECTION!!"
Lawyers are greatly under used job that falls flat on its face since nobody wants to participate. Running court cases, getting people out of prison, and being a man of the people! Won’t go into the rabbit hole that is being a lawyer. One of the few unique jobs that’s never done right sadly.
But what would a good lawyer have on hand?
- A fancy leather briefcase to hold the space law and any maybe illegal documents.
- This amazing machine can record ALMOST anything, use it to record corrupt officers or possible court cases!
- Dress the part. You’re a lawyer not an assistant.
Don’t really have much else to say… spam people with lawyer PDA and try to be helpful in the brig.
Psychologist - BREEDON PIPPIN APPLE
Dr. Pippin says… "Just take these unmarked pills
Psychologist… The people who want to be doctors without any of the benefits. You are clinically insane and everybody see’s you as that… “Who would willingly play that job” well ME I DO!!. Moving along from that the therapist goal is to keep the station happy with high moral and fun things! preform brain experiments, give lobotomy’s, make drugs, deal meth to people legally! Like lawyers this is a very role play heavy job but when it works its great.
What would the average psychologist have do you wonder…
- Pill bottle’s lots of them! filled with various narcotics to help people with their mental issues!
- Sterile mask is always good to see, help keep illness away and a healthy medbay close!
- The straight jacket… put it on any patient who’s being just a little bit too rough. works 100% of the time!
While they might all seem insane and trying to give you weird pills… please try to treat them with at least a little respect!
If you actually managed to read this somehow thank you, first time writing any form of long guide over the course of 2 days…
← Vladimir Garfield
I like fruit and describing the entire station in fruit terms was really fun so did that.
will definitely be adding on and changing things but thanks for reading… SERVICE FOREVA!!!
AM REWRITING THE THINGYS ASWELL!!! SO THEY MIGHT LOOK DIFFERENT FOR A BIT!!